So it's been just over a week now since Michael ended it with me, and just to let y'all know, I am actually doing surprisingly ok. Yeah, I definitely still have my moments and I still think about him almost every minute of the day, but it is surely getting easier. I am actually laughing again, which is something I haven't done in probably months. I am also feeling better about myself...just this past Saturday, I let my friend Amber cut and dye my hair, and I LOVE it! It's so cute! So I've started actually doing something with my hair and wearing make up again. I've also officially lost 15 pounds...I still have a long way to go, but I'll get there eventually! Hey, 15 pounds isn't bad...it's a start. I think the most exciting thing is that a couple of people have actually started noticing and saying something about it, which is awesome to me!
So...I'm taking baby steps forward. I still miss him and I still love him, but I'm starting to move forward and start thinking about myself. I'll get there, ya just gotta give me time!
But on the upside, I am throwing a "Girls Night" on Friday, which should be a lot of fun, and I also can not wait for Texas! Just over 2 more weeks! Woot woot! Alrighty, well...it's getting late. Goodnight!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Sad Truth
Well, today was really hard. I didn't go to school yesterday because I knew that I just wouldn't be able to handle it. However, I did go to school today and that was really, really hard for me. Just seeing him...it really hurt. And then I did something stupid and started texting him after school and he just said a lot of really mean and hurtful things. I mean, what do you say when the man you are dating, who you are madly in love with and can picture being with for a very, very long time, suddenly dumps you, breaks your heart, and then tells you that he dumped you because he stopped liking you a long time ago and is done trying to like you? And then what do you say when he tells you that he doesn't care about the last 3 years, or your relationship, or your feelings at all? Yeah, it just really, really hurts that the one guy that I could always count on to always be there for me and never judge me suddenly doesn't like me and can't even talk to me without being really mean. And it hurts the most that he just simply does not care anymore and that there is no way that I'll ever get him back.
It was all just a blur kind of...like it all happened so fast. The D.C. trip in 8th grade where it all began, three years of love and commitment go by, and then all of a sudden one day, he just tells me that he has no feelings for me and this is goodbye, for forever. I can't even express it or put into words how much that hurt and how much that killed me inside.
I know that I will survive, but first I do have to get closure from him. That will be a little harder than I expected, seeing that he hates me and won't even talk to me, but hopefully I get that closure that I need someday. Yeah, I will survive, but right now it is just really hard for me to picture myself being truly happy again. But with all the support of all the people around me, hopefully I will make it through all this.
It also makes me sad to say goodbye to his family! I loved them all dearly and even though, yes, his dad Mike did and still does kind of scare me, I loved his family and it sucks that I won't get to see them. Well I still see his sisters occasionally, we have plans to get together once every couple weeks and to stay in touch, but still...
I don't know. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. It just feels like my whole world is crashing around me and Michael, the one I could always count on, doesn't give a "rat's ass" about how I feel or our 3 year relationship for that matter. It hurts.
The worst part of my day now is what used to be what I looked forward to every day....seeing him at lunch and in history. It's so awkward and so painful, especially when you consider that tomorrow would have been our 35th month-aversary.
But I just want to thank all my family and friends. Without all of you and your support, I seriously don't know how I would be able to get through all of this pain that they call heartbreak. Heartbreak. That is literally the feeling that I have. And let me tell ya, it sucks.
Well, ok....I guess I should go once again attempt to focus on my homework...I really haven't gotten any homework done in days because I just have so many other things running through my head at 100mph. So...we'll see how this goes.
It was all just a blur kind of...like it all happened so fast. The D.C. trip in 8th grade where it all began, three years of love and commitment go by, and then all of a sudden one day, he just tells me that he has no feelings for me and this is goodbye, for forever. I can't even express it or put into words how much that hurt and how much that killed me inside.
I know that I will survive, but first I do have to get closure from him. That will be a little harder than I expected, seeing that he hates me and won't even talk to me, but hopefully I get that closure that I need someday. Yeah, I will survive, but right now it is just really hard for me to picture myself being truly happy again. But with all the support of all the people around me, hopefully I will make it through all this.
It also makes me sad to say goodbye to his family! I loved them all dearly and even though, yes, his dad Mike did and still does kind of scare me, I loved his family and it sucks that I won't get to see them. Well I still see his sisters occasionally, we have plans to get together once every couple weeks and to stay in touch, but still...
I don't know. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. It just feels like my whole world is crashing around me and Michael, the one I could always count on, doesn't give a "rat's ass" about how I feel or our 3 year relationship for that matter. It hurts.
The worst part of my day now is what used to be what I looked forward to every day....seeing him at lunch and in history. It's so awkward and so painful, especially when you consider that tomorrow would have been our 35th month-aversary.
But I just want to thank all my family and friends. Without all of you and your support, I seriously don't know how I would be able to get through all of this pain that they call heartbreak. Heartbreak. That is literally the feeling that I have. And let me tell ya, it sucks.
Well, ok....I guess I should go once again attempt to focus on my homework...I really haven't gotten any homework done in days because I just have so many other things running through my head at 100mph. So...we'll see how this goes.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
1061 Days
Today. Today was probably the worst day of my life. And I'm not kidding. I am mad that I believed him, when he promised me that we would be together forever. But 1061 days. That is how long we were together. That is a LONG time. Too long for him apparently.
Today I had someone stab a knife into my chest, tear out my heart, chew it up, and stomp on it, or at least that is what it feels like. Michael Thomas Snodgrass, who I was just starting to picture forever with, broke up with me, just suddenly out of the blue. He couldn't even do it person. He told me last night to call him today at 1. So I did. It was to break up with me! He even had the chance to break up with me in person when I dropped by his house to clean up the practical joke that I played on him last night. I can't believe he didn't have the guts to do it in person, especially when he had the chance! You see, he had left his car at the high school, so I went back to the highschool, cleaned up alllll the sticky notes that covered like the whole OLY parking lot, and went and cleaned up all the ones that were still on his car. I then went inside to ask him for his keys because some had been tossed in the backseat of his car and he said not to worry about those. So he had the chance! And the worst part, as I was leaving, he told me that he loved me.
I can't believe it's over! It is really over. So I called him at 1 this afternoon and he said "You know how I never answered your question about Tolo? Well it's no hon." Those were his exact words. And then he says "But there is more. There is a reason that it is no. I can't do this anymore. I need to make some changes in my life and you need to be the first. I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry hon. Bye hon." Those were all his exact words. So I have literally been bawling my eyes out since. Let me tell ya, bawling your heart out for over 9 hours is exhausting and takes a lot of energy and makes your body hurt! My eyes hurt, my face hurts, my whole hurts. But the worst of all, my heart hurts.
You see, I have to admit, I loved Michael more than anything, and I still do. I thought about all the time...basically every minute, night or day, he was always on my mind. He truly was the love of my life. And then for him to dump me so suddenly? I still just can't believe that it is over. He was everything to me. We hung out all the time, he was always who I went to when I needed help, whether that school help, or personal help. He was always there for me.
Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I kind of just feel like I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Ok, well I'll write more later, but for now, I need to go cry some more in bed and never get out of it. I know that I still have people around me that love me, but I have never felt so alone. I now need to reteach myself how to be single and how to think of myself sometimes instead of always focusing on other peoples' needs, especially Michael's.
Michael: I just don't get how you could do this to me! Why? Please, just tell me why! What did I do that was so wrong that you had to throw away a 3 year relationship.
It really sucks to hit rock bottom, because that is where I am.
Good night all.
Today I had someone stab a knife into my chest, tear out my heart, chew it up, and stomp on it, or at least that is what it feels like. Michael Thomas Snodgrass, who I was just starting to picture forever with, broke up with me, just suddenly out of the blue. He couldn't even do it person. He told me last night to call him today at 1. So I did. It was to break up with me! He even had the chance to break up with me in person when I dropped by his house to clean up the practical joke that I played on him last night. I can't believe he didn't have the guts to do it in person, especially when he had the chance! You see, he had left his car at the high school, so I went back to the highschool, cleaned up alllll the sticky notes that covered like the whole OLY parking lot, and went and cleaned up all the ones that were still on his car. I then went inside to ask him for his keys because some had been tossed in the backseat of his car and he said not to worry about those. So he had the chance! And the worst part, as I was leaving, he told me that he loved me.
I can't believe it's over! It is really over. So I called him at 1 this afternoon and he said "You know how I never answered your question about Tolo? Well it's no hon." Those were his exact words. And then he says "But there is more. There is a reason that it is no. I can't do this anymore. I need to make some changes in my life and you need to be the first. I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry hon. Bye hon." Those were all his exact words. So I have literally been bawling my eyes out since. Let me tell ya, bawling your heart out for over 9 hours is exhausting and takes a lot of energy and makes your body hurt! My eyes hurt, my face hurts, my whole hurts. But the worst of all, my heart hurts.
You see, I have to admit, I loved Michael more than anything, and I still do. I thought about all the time...basically every minute, night or day, he was always on my mind. He truly was the love of my life. And then for him to dump me so suddenly? I still just can't believe that it is over. He was everything to me. We hung out all the time, he was always who I went to when I needed help, whether that school help, or personal help. He was always there for me.
Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I kind of just feel like I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Ok, well I'll write more later, but for now, I need to go cry some more in bed and never get out of it. I know that I still have people around me that love me, but I have never felt so alone. I now need to reteach myself how to be single and how to think of myself sometimes instead of always focusing on other peoples' needs, especially Michael's.
Michael: I just don't get how you could do this to me! Why? Please, just tell me why! What did I do that was so wrong that you had to throw away a 3 year relationship.
It really sucks to hit rock bottom, because that is where I am.
Good night all.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Just enjoyed an awesome Valentine's Day date with Michael! I surprised him by kidnapping him and taking him out on a date and it was a lot of fun! We were trying to Olive Garden, but it was suuuuper crowded and they told us that it would be about an hour wait. So since we were right next to it, we went to Applebees instead and it was actually pretty good! After dinner, we just drove around for about a half hour and then I had to take him home. At his house though, he gave me a Valtines present (I gave him his on Saturday, when we our had our early Valentine's Day date). He have me a little tiger that holds a heart that says "I love you" and come chocolate and a really cute card! Awesome night. Second date within a week! I love it. Now finishing up homework (whew!) and getting to bed at a relatively decent hour!!!! :) Since I have been sick lately, I was really, really behind in homework over the weekend, but I almost caught up now. Alrighty, I'm getting sleepy! So for now, goodnight!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
My Weekend
Whew! So we are now heading into the second week of second semester of my junior year! Homework is really starting to come in large amounts at a time, and it's hard to keep up. Especially when you are sick! I am now just getting over a cold that kept me at home one and a half days last week! And I've had a pretty busy weekend this weekend. Friday afternoon, I spent the evening with Michael's younger twin sisters Laura and Sarah! We had a lot of fun actually! You see, I took them out for their 14th birthday in September, and they decided that they wanted to take me out for my birthday. Although it had been three weeks, we finally got the chance to go out on Friday and we had a great time! We went to Italia for dinner, we went bowling, we hung out at the mall (and I got a new really cute dress for my date last night with Michael!) and we ate a ton of junk food! Then yesterday, I cleaned for a while, went and worked out at the YMCA, and went on an early Valentine's Day date with Michael! It wasn't quite the evening that we had expected to have, but we had fun in the end! We went and saw The Eagle, which isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I have to admit that I thought that it was a really good movie. We then went out for a late dinner and he came back to my house to watch the movie that I wanted to watch...Valentine's Day, of course! However, since it was late by the time that we had gotten back to my house, he ended up staying until about 1:15, when I finally drove him home. But that's ok because that is legal now, since I've had my license for over a year! So today, I've actually had a pretty lazy day. I slept in until about 10:30 and then played a lot of Mario Kart on the Wii...but now it is homework time. And I have to leave in about 2 and a half hours to go babysit two of the cutest kids ever-Ethan, who just turned 3, and Jasmine, who recently turned 1. Anyway, there isn't much new going on with me! Oh, but two random things...I haven't been keeping up with it the last couple weeks, but I am getting back on my diet this week. 10 pounds lost, only about 40-50 more to go and I'll feel sooooo much better! And also, I am getting really excited to get to go visit my family in Texas for spring break! I will be leaving Olympia in only 47 days! WooHOO!! P.S. I'll be posting pictures soon....I just don't have many new ones at the moment.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Pots of Larties!
So I have a few good pieces of news!! Well mostly good I guess. So...my grandma Mimi, in Texas, called on my birthday to wish me Happy Birthday and I also talked to my Uncle Todd and my cousin Allie and I was telling them how badly I want to come visit down there because it has been about 5 and a half years since I was last there. So...last Thursday, like two days ago, I was looking into plane tickets for about 6 hours and I am now getting to go to Texas for spring break! I am sooooooo excited! I got the best flight available for the cheapest price. I was nervous to be travelling alone, but I didn't care because I get to go see my family after 5.5 years of not being down there! It is not the best situation down there because my family in Texas has a ton of problems, but I just want to get down there. And then, on Friday (yesterday) I was talking to Amber about how much fun it would be for her to come with me. Her plan was already to go to California by herself for Spring Break anyway. So, after quite a bit of convincing and pleading, AMBER IS COMING TO TEXAS WITH ME! Woot woot! It is going to be a lot of fun and I am looking forward to it.
Another little piece of good news, first Congrats to Amber for finally taking her written and passing it! She will take her drive test next Saturday and finally get her license!! So congrats to her! Also, today is my old best friend and neighbor's birthday, Amanda Arend! I miss her and her family dearly, and Happy 16th Birthday Amanda! Congratulations! Hopefully, now that we can both drive, maybe we can get together more often.
Again, on the downside, finals are this upcoming week... so wish me luck everyone!
Oh, and to explain the title of this post, you would have to in mine and Amanda Arend and Jack Arend's heads...inside joke from a looooong time ago! GOOD TIMES.
Another little piece of good news, first Congrats to Amber for finally taking her written and passing it! She will take her drive test next Saturday and finally get her license!! So congrats to her! Also, today is my old best friend and neighbor's birthday, Amanda Arend! I miss her and her family dearly, and Happy 16th Birthday Amanda! Congratulations! Hopefully, now that we can both drive, maybe we can get together more often.
Again, on the downside, finals are this upcoming week... so wish me luck everyone!
Oh, and to explain the title of this post, you would have to in mine and Amanda Arend and Jack Arend's heads...inside joke from a looooong time ago! GOOD TIMES.
Oh, I am getting ahead of myself.
Ok, so I missed a couple of key notes between my last two posts. First, the Sunday before my birthday, I went downtown with one of my besties Amber. Our original plan was to do a little birthday shopping for eachother (because mine was the 21st and hers is February 8th), but we didn't consider in our plan making that stores would be closing because we didn't go until about 4:30 Sunday afternoon. So we ended up just taking pictures at the capital instead. It was already dark, but we had a lot of fun.
The next thing was that my sister Breanna left for Ghana on the 19th, only two days before my birthday! It was sad to see her go and we all miss her so much, but she is going to have such an amazing time and it will definitely be a life changing experience. Her plan is to be in Ghana for four months, doing her study abroad program. (My mom and I think it's odd that she wanted to spend $16,000 to go live in poverty, but I guess it is more about the experience.) And she seems to be having fun with that. So she will be done with that late May or early June, and then she and two of her friends are going backpacking around Europe for a month!! I am so jealous of them! They will go spend a week in Spain, a week in France, a week in Italy, and a week in Greece before flying home at the end of June. I miss her so much, but she is on an amazing adventure that she is lucky to enjoy and that she will never forget!
Another sad thing was that a great family friend, Tom Saelid, past away on January 17th, just four days before my birthday. His funeral was on Sunday the 23rd. It was a very sad day, the funeral day...I just don't like funerals. I am definitely a bawler. It was really awful, and really rare how he died though. He had been battling cancer for a while, and it wasn't even entirely the cancer alone that killed him. He actually died of lung toxicity from the cancer treatment. This severity of it that he had though is EXTREMELY rare, and where it usually takes months to kill a person, it killed him within just a couple weeks. I just feel so sad for his wife Gina and their three kids Lauren, Glynn, and Danny. Lauren is a year younger than me and we used to be friends...we talk like maybe a couple times a year, but my heart pours out to her and the rest of the family. RIP Tom Saelid, you will be missed terribly.
The next thing was that my sister Breanna left for Ghana on the 19th, only two days before my birthday! It was sad to see her go and we all miss her so much, but she is going to have such an amazing time and it will definitely be a life changing experience. Her plan is to be in Ghana for four months, doing her study abroad program. (My mom and I think it's odd that she wanted to spend $16,000 to go live in poverty, but I guess it is more about the experience.) And she seems to be having fun with that. So she will be done with that late May or early June, and then she and two of her friends are going backpacking around Europe for a month!! I am so jealous of them! They will go spend a week in Spain, a week in France, a week in Italy, and a week in Greece before flying home at the end of June. I miss her so much, but she is on an amazing adventure that she is lucky to enjoy and that she will never forget!
Another sad thing was that a great family friend, Tom Saelid, past away on January 17th, just four days before my birthday. His funeral was on Sunday the 23rd. It was a very sad day, the funeral day...I just don't like funerals. I am definitely a bawler. It was really awful, and really rare how he died though. He had been battling cancer for a while, and it wasn't even entirely the cancer alone that killed him. He actually died of lung toxicity from the cancer treatment. This severity of it that he had though is EXTREMELY rare, and where it usually takes months to kill a person, it killed him within just a couple weeks. I just feel so sad for his wife Gina and their three kids Lauren, Glynn, and Danny. Lauren is a year younger than me and we used to be friends...we talk like maybe a couple times a year, but my heart pours out to her and the rest of the family. RIP Tom Saelid, you will be missed terribly.
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