1061 Days

Today. Today was probably the worst day of my life. And I'm not kidding. I am mad that I believed him, when he promised me that we would be together forever. But 1061 days. That is how long we were together. That is a LONG time. Too long for him apparently.

Today I had someone stab a knife into my chest, tear out my heart, chew it up, and stomp on it, or at least that is what it feels like. Michael Thomas Snodgrass, who I was just starting to picture forever with, broke up with me, just suddenly out of the blue. He couldn't even do it person. He told me last night to call him today at 1. So I did. It was to break up with me! He even had the chance to break up with me in person when I dropped by his house to clean up the practical joke that I played on him last night. I can't believe he didn't have the guts to do it in person, especially when he had the chance! You see, he had left his car at the high school, so I went back to the highschool, cleaned up alllll the sticky notes that covered like the whole OLY parking lot, and went and cleaned up all the ones that were still on his car. I then went inside to ask him for his keys because some had been tossed in the backseat of his car and he said not to worry about those. So he had the chance! And the worst part, as I was leaving, he told me that he loved me.

I can't believe it's over! It is really over. So I called him at 1 this afternoon and he said "You know how I never answered your question about Tolo? Well it's no hon." Those were his exact words. And then he says "But there is more. There is a reason that it is no. I can't do this anymore. I need to make some changes in my life and you need to be the first. I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry hon. Bye hon." Those were all his exact words. So I have literally been bawling my eyes out since. Let me tell ya, bawling your heart out for over 9 hours is exhausting and takes a lot of energy and makes your body hurt! My eyes hurt, my face hurts, my whole hurts. But the worst of all, my heart hurts.

You see, I have to admit, I loved Michael more than anything, and I still do. I thought about all the time...basically every minute, night or day, he was always on my mind. He truly was the love of my life. And then for him to dump me so suddenly? I still just can't believe that it is over. He was everything to me. We hung out all the time, he was always who I went to when I needed help, whether that school help, or personal help. He was always there for me.

Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I kind of just feel like I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Ok, well I'll write more later, but for now, I need to go cry some more in bed and never get out of it. I know that I still have people around me that love me, but I have never felt so alone. I now need to reteach myself how to be single and how to think of myself sometimes instead of always focusing on other peoples' needs, especially Michael's.

Michael: I just don't get how you could do this to me! Why? Please, just tell me why! What did I do that was so wrong that you had to throw away a 3 year relationship.

It really sucks to hit rock bottom, because that is where I am.

Good night all.